PAST IS THE PAST

OK I know I'm jaded, just by reading my blog you know I'm jaded lol. The problem I'm having today is the people who are saying "The love of my life was my first boyfriend/girlfriend from High School" type of thing. Now there are people that marry their HS sweetheart and live happily ever after but those are not the people I'm talking about. I'm talking about the people who dated for a month, broke up, and have not seen each other in 20 years. Come on! Wake up and smell the coffee here. You don't even know that person anymore.

Think back to HS for me it has been more than 15 years. I would not even wear most of the clothes I wore back then (even though some have come back into fashion) or do bullet proof hair (yes mainly the 80's and early 90's). I have become someone else since HS. Yes I still have the basic traits but at the same time those have evolved to new levels. The same reality is for everyone. You don't really know someone you have not seen in 15 years, experience changes all of us for the good or the bad. Maybe that extra bubbly cheerleader is now a depressed house wive or the depressed loner is the center of attention. The awkward kids are now the CEO of a company or the football player is still living in his Mom's basement. You Don't Know!

Our tastes change including food,movies, books, political stance, going green, meat eater or veggie. It all changes. So with all this change how can that person (that you haven't spoken to in years) be the love of your life NOW. They can't. They might have been the love of your life at 15 and the one person you always FANTASIZED as perfect but in this moment right now they are a stranger that you probably wouldn't even recognize on the street.

Basically what I am saying is STOP LIVING IN THE PAST, because you are going to miss what is going on in life NOW. The future is not here, the past is gone, but this moment will only be here once. Live it as it is happening.

Sorry I Havent Written

Hey there
This month has been CRAZY! I started my new Part Time job and combine that with my full time job some days I'm just dog tired. I have been thinking about my readers (LOL all two of them) and what I have to say. I have found more unfair and unjust things in this world (of course because no one ever said the world was fair). First I would like to point out reality TV. If there are prizes for something, the people with families (spouses and children only doesn't matter if you have a Mom, Dad, nephews, nieces or Sibs) they get to talk with the family and the rest are usually given something else. OK so whats up with that? Like I wouldn't miss my family just because I don't have children? Um yeah I would. (although I think if you are doing a reality show, for about 6 weeks at the most, you could suck it up and not talk with your family that long unless there is an illness)

I also have watch (yes I know there is a different when I can go home) my nephew for long periods of time and have never let him act badly in a restaurant so the excuses people give that they just cant make their kids mind them are bogus and I'm sorry but I would never let my kid wear things that are inappropriate for the occasion I think it really is lazy. Now I'm not saying they have to be dressed to the NINES but a Halloween costume is not meant to be worn out to dinner except on Halloween and all the people that let their kids get away with it so they don't have a screaming match (yes 2-7 years olds got some lungs and it is frustrating) will have problems later because they are not learning now. Everything in life is a lesson of some sort even the stuff that makes you want to pull your hair out.

Here is a link to Dear Margo http://www.wowowow.com/style/dear-margo-howard-single-dating-autism-advice-323643
This is to Advice columnist Dear Margo about a guy that likes being single. Now some of his views are radical but the main point is he is happy so why cant people leave him along about it. This is the kind of thing I'm talking about. I just want the world to be fair on both sides, If you are Happy being married I say have a Happy Dance and if you are Happy being Single I say have a Happy Dance

ARE MEN BEING CHEATED?

OK so I have gone over some of the things people do to women that are single but I have left out half the population by not telling about men. I do not have first hand knowledge since as you might have guessed I'm not a man but I do have Friends that seem to get the short end of the stick. For example, if a man is looking to get married he is desperate no matter what but a girl is expected to want to get married. Another one is if a guy talks about wanting kids, loves his momma, has already planned out a future wedding fantasy, he is considered crazy but this is supposed to be normal for a woman? Normal how? I have not ever fantasized about spending thousands of dollars so I can wear a fancy dress. I have however fantasied about spending thousands of dollars to get a classic muscle car. I know I am guilty of this judgement as well because if a guy says he is looking for marriage and its a first date then I leave smoke trails getting to the door. I think that if we all have perspective about what is OK to say to someone that you don't know well then things will be fine.

Here are some dating tips from a speed dating queen
1. Don't mention marriage on a first date unless asked if
a. are you married? um please don't date if you are married
b. Have you ever been married? This is basically just an icebreaker. Do not go into all the gory details of the divorce or the ex

2. Do not get into heavy discussions on a first date. That can wait until you actually know if you ever want to see this person again. Think of it like this. If you would not walk up to a complete stranger in the supermarket and say what you are about to say DO NOT SAY IT TO YOUR DATE. Your date is a complete stranger duh!

3. Be happy with yourself. A spouse, partner, boyfriend, girlfriend or even a booty call will not make you happy. They can add joy to your world but you have to love yourself. Have hobbies, exercise, a job you love, or even a job that one day you want to do. If you are not happy, you really do send out desperate vibes that the other person can pick up on.

4. Don't take it personal if you don't click. That is what dating is about. Having fun but seeing if you want to spend another day with that person. IF not they have not wronged you in anyway. Would you really want someone to be with you out of Pity? I think not.

So the moral is don't judge men that act like woman are supposed to. (I will try not to as well.) Men should be able to want a family without people saying they are whipped, weird, desperate, or anything else. Follow dating rules for a fun time and remember that it is just a date. Not the end of the world. Even if its a bad date eventually it will be funny and a great icebreaker for future dates.

SO BE PROUD, BE LOUD, AND SAY TABLE FOR ONE!!!

OWNING PROPERTY

Explain this to me? If I was married the risk for the banks is less than right now since I'm single. I would still be working, I would still have MY income (doesn't matter if spouse is working or not still less risk), and I would still pay my bills on time. How is that fair? Yes yes I know life is not fair and its not a circus either but still we should work at being fair don't you think? If it was only my income either way (married or single) then how is it less of a risk if I was married? My spouse would not have a job so that is equal to NO MONEY and I still would have the same job so that means THE SAME AMOUNT OF MONEY. I guess what the world is saying is that as a married person I would not be prone to taking off for the unknown at a moments notice and leave an unpaid mortgage ( yeah right) of course I guess all those people that skip out on bills that are married have a corrupted single gene that didn't change over once they said I DO. Yeah that must be it. Once you have some person said vows to you and you repeat them your habits for spending and saving automatically change into something wonderful unless your get the single disease corrupt DNA and that makes all the married people crazy. It couldn't possible be them. Well I am not going to get married just so I can save money on a home loan and I am still proud to say TABLE FOR ONE!

ANTI-SOCIAL?

I heard a phase today that I had never, DID I SAY NEVER, associated to being single. The phrase was anti-social described as someone happy being single that is getting over a bad break up. Yeah that is not what I consider anti-social. The correct definition of anti- social ASPD) is defined by the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual as "...a pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood."[1] Deceit and manipulation are considered essential features of the disorder.

I do not know of anyone that would say just because a person is single (single is not a disease we have been over this) they are manipulative,deceitful,or anything else as defined here. People who are ANTI-SOCIAL are anti social married, single, gay, straight, or even if they are purple. It has nothing to do with being single. We need to stop as a society punishing people that do not have partners and let people be happy. We need to stop making everyone feel like they are not important if they are single. Everyone needs to stop thinking single equals mental problems, HELLO I'm just picky! and I would guess so are alot of other people. Remember to love the people close to you, tell them often, and to stop with the "nice" name calling just because a person is single.

Oh by the way, I heard someone say this about themselves which is very depressing for 2 reasons. First reason is that people need to read more and KNOW what they are talking about and the second is that someone would equate anti-social with HAPPY.

RESPONSIBILITY

OK one thing that will cheese me off more than just about anything else is someone not taking responsibility for kids or animals. This effects everyone. Single, not single, married, widowed, and so on. Today I saw 2 dogs roaming at a gas station and then having to cross a busy street where they went to the house they live at. These dogs were friendly, well groomed, and looked well fed but the danger to them is real. They could have been hit by a car anywhere along the way or people can be mean and someone could have done something to one of them. It is the owners responsibility to have a fenced yard and not to let their dogs roam the streets or to have unwanted puppies that they just throw out. I am not saying a dog can not escape from a yard (its happened to me) but to just throw your dog outside and say fend for yourself is WRONG. When a person gets a dog, they are taking responsibility for the health and well being of that dog. Dogs just want to give love and friendship. If a person doesn't want to return this then DON'T GET A DOG. Dogs don't always stay tiny and cuddly. They grow, chew, poop where they are not supposed to, and can get into trouble but that makes them dogs. The best thing to do is take them to obedience class and the vet after that everything is easy. If you can afford a dog DON'T GET ONE. Dogs are not something that can be put in a closet until you want them to play that day, they are creatures that can get bored, hungry, sick, and give all the love in their hearts. So please take responsibility for your animals and help strays where you can. I was going to take them to my vet until I saw that they went home but if I see those dogs again I'm going to report the owners and turn them over to my vet so she can find a home that will love and care for them.

Different Kinds of Dates

There are so many different kind of dates. Here is a list of dates that everyone does at one point in their life or another.
1. First date- always unsure, nervous, exciting, warm and fuzzy, insane, and sometimes ugly.
I prefer the coffee date for a first date. I know some people are going to say that is not really a date but let's think a minute. On a first date you really don't know each other so you don't know if 5 minutes into the date you are going to want to shove a fork in your eye just so your date will shut up! A coffee date eliminates the "When is this going to end" thoughts that happen sometimes and if you get "OMG This is Great fuzzies" thoughts then you can always continue to dinner.
2. Second date- I really had a good time now lets have fun
Second dates can be romantic, spontaneous, weird, and goofy. You already know the spark is there and if you talked to the other person (didn't just watch a movie, yeah that's right, because sometimes you liked the movie but didn't get to know the other person) you now know you fit. So you can relax the interview is over and its time to enjoy.
3. Are we going to be a couple date- This is when you establish yes we are only going to date each other. An important step that needs to be talked about so that you are really in a relationship not just a comfortable groove that is easier than finding someone else to eat dinner with.
4.Keep the relationship going date- A date that is between a couple that is established (married or together for more than a year) that makes you remember how hot and sexy your partner is. I believe this one act is great for keeping things fresh in life.
These are just a few of the kinds of dates out there. I could keep going forever because there are also the blind date, the pity date, the make our parents happy and meet date, and of course the hook up date (just sex with a person you don't really know.
I think dating is fun or at least material for a funny story later in life. I think so many people are skipping these steps now because it seems that "dating" is almost a dirty word now. I wonder why this is? Is it the stress of the first date and people are just trying to skip it and jump into a relationship so they don't have to deal? I say fight for the right to date. Its important factor in life that is disappearing like the Dino's did. Lets tell everyone we know its OK to date.

WE CAN RESIST

I was thinking the other day (yeah I know I almost hurt myself) about how we are programed by nature and environment to mate mate mate but we are not told to wait ever. What I mean is that our bodies are programed to want to be with another person and we are told my relatives, TV, friends and so on that we are supposed to be with someone else and if we are not something is missing. I think this is how the divorce rate has climbed over the years. We are under so much pressure to just "be married" that we don't wait to find the right person.
Sometimes people really think they have and the other person has hidden major aspects from the other spouse such as addictions or so on. Other times people are just too young and instead of growing together they grow into different people so the love part could just not keep up.
I think for the most part the pressure from everyone just gets to people and they decide to jump in with both feet without looking. Kinda like a buy one get one free sale for shoes. You really don't like any of the other pairs of shoes but since the second pair is free you feel you have to get them. Of course that pair of great FREE shoes are never taken out of the closet again.
Pressure to get married and start a life (um what exactly are we doing before if not having a life? I don't think I am in frozen animation.)is on both men and women but its starts sooner with women. Yes that sounds sexist but its true. A man is considered a catch the longer he is not married, women are considered expired like bad milk. Relatives are always saying 'You will be next" or "what are you waiting for" well when people say these things to me I say "The guy that thinks no makeup been mowing the lawn look is sexy on me". I don't have to be next and neither do you if its not the right one. Sometimes you know you are great together but wait for a while anyway. Maybe the great one's breathing will get on your nerves so bad after 6 months you cant stand them, these things happen.

I'm not saying never marry (if I could find something like my brother relationship I'm keeping it, not perfect but perfect together) I'm just saying that there is nothing wrong with being happy and single. No one is going to be happy just because they are a couple. A partner can make a lot of great things happen in your life but they can not make you happy so don't just leap in because this person can walk and talk at the same time. Figure out what you want, need, and enjoy and then DATE but never be ashamed to say Table for ONE!

Drama Mamas

Being singe means your Friends come to you for advice (not sure why when they never listen to what I have to say and get mad when I get bosses, HELLO they know I'm going to try and fix it) and that is great but when it is drama that they create, then it is irritating because they really don't want the truth they want to be told everything is OK. Some men/women think that happiness for themselves depends on if they are a "couple". I think that if you cant make yourself happy how in the hell is someone else supposed to. A friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend "a great guy" that drank way to much, is into drugs, his family hates her, and has hit her more than once but she misses him. He made her happy. I have stood by my friend. I have gotten up at 2am to meet her in Walmart's parking lot to talk, picked her up when he has dumped her out of a car and offered to help sort out her money problems (the biggest one being she pays his bills, her bills, and cant budget). I have tried to support her and told her that I think she needed help to learn how to be alone even when she didn't want to hear it. I was worried because all she wants to do is sleep (sign of depression) but she said her therapist thinks she is fine (um not so much when you sleep 15 hour a day). I wanted her to go walking with me (exercise helps with depression) but she couldn't because "all she sees is couples being happy and she cant be happy without HIM". What the F? Happy does not mean you get slapped across your face at dinner time, this would never make me happy would it you? I know she does not want to see the abuse and she actually lives off it but still. How much can you blame on another person? Even if he was the GREAT guy, the Cary Grant of her dreams he could not make her happy if she doesn't know how to make herself happy.

Happiness-
1obsolete : good fortune : prosperity2 a: a state of well-being and contentment : joy b: a pleasurable or satisfying experience3: felicity, aptness (merriam-webster)
Happy-1: favored by luck or fortune : fortunate 2: notably fitting, effective, or well adapted : felicitous 3 a: enjoying or characterized by well-being and contentment b: expressing, reflecting, or suggestive of happiness c: glad, pleased d: having or marked by an atmosphere of good fellowship : friendly 4 a: characterized by a dazed irresponsible state b: impulsively or obsessively quick to use or do something c: enthusiastic about something to the point of obsession : obsessed (merriam-webster)

These are the definitions of Happy and Happiness. In these terms it does not say your happiness or joy in life depends on another person (although it does say obsessive is a term of happiness um can we say people are crazy). I will always be there for my Friend but I want to scream at her from time to time because she lets this madness into her life herself and then wonders why she is unhappy. I say laugh when you can, live in colors not black and white and realize that HAPPINESS is from inside yourself not inside others. BE proud to say TABLE FOR ONE if you are not a couple at the moment because those really yummy chips and dip are your favorite even if you are eating them by yourself.

Single Is Not a Disease!

This is my first blog here so thought I would explain myself. I am 34, single, no children, and loving it. Yes that's right I love it. I have a great job that has wonderful benefits so that means YES I pay my own bills (to all the mean men that think all women are gold diggers, I only say this because I have turned men down for dates this is the first insult they say. Like that is going to make someone go out with them. "Hey you suck", "well of course since you put it that way I would love to go out on a date" um NO). I have a wonderful family which means I borrow my nephews, hype them up on sugar, and then return them to my brother lol. I get the whole bed to myself and I never have to share the remote.

I am not saying that I do not enjoy men. I do. I love to have fun dates or even have a boyfriend (that would be manfriend as we get older but that just sounds weird) I just like to have my own space as well. I like not having to get up because someone else's alarm clock went off or to be totally gross in private (face masks make us pretty but when on women look like something out of a horror movie). I like to drink the milk straight out of the carton, its my milk lol.

What I hate about being single is that people treat you as if you are a different species. Your friends get married and suddenly you are the enemy. You could be a home wrecker. Of course you've known there guy for years and never wanted him but that doesn't seem to make a difference. Extended family members are always saying you have to get married to have a great life, yeah um that worked out so well for them and all the ex-husbands in the family tree.

What I love about being single. Well lets list them off.
1. Never having to wait in amusement park lines- the rides always need one person to even out the car lol
2. You can always find your shoes because no one has moved them out of (their) the way
3 I get to watch what I want to on TV because .....drum roll please..... IT MY TV
4.I never pull out the OJ to find a sip left in the jug that was put back in the fridge unless I was stupid and did it myself
5.Restaurants are easy to get into because there is always room for one person

SO what I'M saying is I'm proud to say TABLE FOR ONE please!